Depressed

Hello!

It is Monday once again and it is pretty much my favourite day, because I had only three hours of school!(yey!) Can't believe how these three years have gone by so fast! This is my last week of school and I couldn't be more excited! I have had my good and bad moments while I have been here and today I thought it would be good to share my "bad" experiences with you...It isn't easy for me to talk about this, but I think I am finally ready to write about everything that happened to me last year.

I don't even know from where to start so maybe I will just start from the beginning. I guess everything started in autumn 2010, I had been for one year in Finland and everything seemed to be going well. I had spent the summer in Greece and suddenly when I came back to Finland, it felt like nobody wanted to spend time with me anymore. People seemed to be so busy and I didn't have a really close friend at the time, plus I had difficulties adjusting to the finnish culture and everything. So I found myself a hobby to keep me busy and that is when I started dance lessons again. For a while it helped, but I couldn't believe how my friends could be so "blind" and not see how lonely I felt. Of course, now that I look back, I can't blame them, because I looked happy on the outside, but I was truly miserable on the inside.

 So I just left time pass and didn't do anything about all these feelings I had (which I don't recommend to anyone!). I kept acting like everything was okay, but it surely wasn't. What made me get even more annoyed, was the fact that I was always the first one to ask my friends out and do something. So in the end I got sick of all that. I stopped going out, kept myself closed in my room and that's how things got worse. Maybe, if I had talked about my problems from the beginning, I wouldn't have felt so awful in the end.

Christmas came and I kept feeling the way I felt. Going home for the holidays helped me a bit to forget my problems, but when I came back to Finland everything was the same. I started getting really depressed. School wasn't going very well and I was very tired all the time. I thought nobody in this world cared about me. I was crying every day and wishing for all this to end. I remember sometimes I had to call my parents in the middle of the night to calm me down. I had never felt that horrible in my life and I hope that nobody gets to experience something like that.

In January 2011 my mom got in touch with my headmaster and they talked about my situation. I couldn't have stayed any longer in Finland or I would have gone crazy! If that situation had kept going like that I am afraid I would have hurt myself or done something even worse. So my parents thought it would be good for me to go back to Greece for a month and clear things out. Also before I left Finland, I went to our school psychologist who really helped make some right decisions.

Going back home really helped me calm down and rethink everything. Because I had difficulties telling my friends face to face about my problems, I decided to send them a letter and that's what I did. That letter helped me and my friends come closer. At first they got mad at me, because I hadn't said anything earlier, but I think I wouldn't have been very honest with them, if I had told them earlier.

Now that I am over that phase, I have learned to talk about the things that bother me early enough. Nobody else can know what is going on inside your head unless you tell them. Don't be afraid to talk just spit it out! :P
In my case I thought everything would get better on their own...maybe in a perffect world that would have happened!


I have learned from my mistakes and I hope that my story helped you realize some things about life!

Compared to last year I feel like I am alive again! I enjoy every day and I couldn't be happier :)
I wish the best to all of you! 

Have a great week! :)

Karpalo